This is not a very fun story to write. First, no, I am not dying. It's just very personal and about stuff I don't normally share.
This is not a very fun story to write. First, no, I am not dying. It's just very personal and about stuff I don't normally share.
As a lot of you know, I have been sick with Hodgkin's Lymphoma (a Cancer of the Lymphatic system) for almost a year now. I have been going through Chemotherapy every other week since this past May. Chemotherapy is going well, so far, and my latest PET scan shows that most of the cancer that was in my chest is now clear. The only thing it showed this time were spots on the lymph nodes in my neck, which I had biopsied last week (that was not a fun experience.)
I do not like to complain, and have not really done so outwardly. If I don't feel well, I just lay down and sleep... something I have done a lot of these past few months.
A lot of people tell me that they are inspired on how positive I have been - being positive is just something I am used to, and can be a coping mechanism for me.
In some ways it feels weird to think that I actually have Cancer, and maybe I haven't fully internalized it because I use the positivity as an escape - it's easier to think about things just working out than it is thinking about the worst.
I also have perspective. A lot of perspective. My Grandmother and a bunch of her brothers died from Cancer, and her youngest sister has been battling it for almost two years. My Aunt died from Pancreatic Cancer six years ago, and my Uncle died of Lung Cancer over a year ago. Memories of them came flooding back when I attended the funeral of one of my Mother's cousins two weeks ago. He died after a long two year battle with Pancreatic Cancer.
With all of this, I feel like I am lucky to have the type of Cancer that I do. No, it's not fun. No, it's not easy. But I am not dying, and the odds that I will be cured from this are 90%+. It's for that reason that I tell myself that I cannot complain, and it's for that reason that I am so positive.
Even though I suffer from fatigue or feel really bad sometimes, I don't really think of myself as being sick. My really thick head of hair has helped with that - although I have lost a lot of it, because it was so thick it still looks somewhat normal. The one thing that reminds me that I'm sick when I look into the mirror are my almost non-existent eye brows, and the gaps in my usually full and long eye lashes.
The one thing that has been weighing me down most is finances. The stress of having bills pile up has been on my mind constantly, and its become over bearing.
Because of the type of work that I do, I have not been working. The one thing I suffer from the most is what they call "chemo brain," sort of like a brain fog that you just can't get through and think clearly. That is the biggest reason why New England One has taken such a back seat and there has been a decline in stories being posted. Very often I just can't think clearly or concentrate long enough to work on it.
The main reason I am writing this story is to put aside my pride and realize that I am sick and need to ask for help.
New England One is expensive to run, and with bills piling up, and rent being due, I need all the help that I can get. As much as I hate asking, I know that I need to, especially with rent being due in a few days.
If you would like to help, I would be eternally grateful. You could do so by making a donation to me through PayPal (I thought about doing a gofundme page like my nephew suggested, but I already have a PayPal account.
You could also help by becoming an advertiser on New England One - I recently put an advertising page up with all of the details on how to advertise with New England One, and it would really help.
I would love to not have to do this, but my mom has already helped me a lot more than she really can, and I am at a breaking point.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or you can direct message me on Twitter @NewEnglandOne.
A big thank you to everyone for at least reading this. I know it's a bit long, and I really didn't go back and edit it - I just let it flow out as I thought about it.
